


suchen

by dotdotmoon



Series: kiss me maybe [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Kissing, M/M, Reunions, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotdotmoon/pseuds/dotdotmoon
Summary: The sight of Jongdae's smile twists something in Junmyeon's gut, a once sharp fang, a rusty saw, the dullest knife.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Junmyeon | Suho
Series: kiss me maybe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1423525
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	suchen

**Author's Note:**

> for this prompt: suchen + a chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company  
> (yes sorry it took me five months to finish this. and where's the mixed company you ask? idk)
> 
> not titling these because i intend to write a bunch more and i don't have the energy or time to pick titles!!
> 
> extended content notes:  
> this is not a happy fic! but that's all you need to know

"Junmyeon," a voice says behind him, and Junmyeon feels his entire being set aflame by the familiar tone.

He's in his arms before Jongdae can say another word, and it isn't too long before their hands find each other, entwining at their sides as they step apart just far enough to see each other's faces. The sight of Jongdae's smile twists something in Junmyeon's gut, a once sharp fang, a rusty saw, the dullest knife.  
He smiles back regardless, and decades seem to pass as the shape of their love settles between them, monstrous and untamed with longing, turning several times in one spot until it's satisfied, sits down on their feet between them, a ball of warm, dark fur.  
It's a beautiful beast and it has grown, Junmyeon notes, has grown warmer. It reaches their shoulders easily now. Jongdae lets go of one of his hands but not his gaze, to smooth its grief-ruffled fur down. Then, he reaches for Junmyeon's face, holds it like a flower petal, smiles again when Junmyeon leans into the touch, covers his hand with his own.

"It's been so long," Junmyeon speaks into the heavy silence, his voice rough with the affection flooding up from his heart, squeezing into every crevice of his body. The way Jongdae doesn't reply—the tilt of his eyebrows, the deepening of the sorrow in his eyes weighing down his lashes aside—doesn't tease or taunt him—for uselessly pointing out the obvious—but simply tugs him closer is another dull blade in his heart, turning, twisting, even as Jongdae looks at him with an almost foreign tenderness before he kisses him.

The kiss, foreign too, light, barely the weight of december sun on his lips no matter how much closer he presses, it pulls Junmyeon back into the crowd they carved a space out of for themselves. The room they're in is wide, boisterous, sharp against the wet blur of rising tears, not quite unfamiliar—like a trainstop commuted past for years without ever stepping off the train.

Junmyeon abandons himself to his despair, kisses him closer with his eyes open, until he can't bear the feeling of Jongdae's shape receding like the sea, slowly but determined to leave.

He feels his heart thrumming with misery, at the smile Jongdae's wearing. A crescent moon, bright but far, spinning away from him, from them. Junmyeon grasps for his waist, tugs him close, feels him drawing closer, the fabric of his clothes plastic-smooth under his fingers. Jongdae's mouth tastes like unwilling escape when Junmyeon tries again, plastic, too.

"Junmyeonnie," Jongdae says again, an altered echo, a dire goodbye, and his gaze drops between them, along with Junmyeon's tears, where they're falling like raindrops piercing into fresh snow, dissolving fur.  
Junmyeon grips, tugs, claws him closer, closer still, finds warm skin under plastic, presses his forehead against Jongdae's, takes a step to the side and waits. For Jongdae's hands on his hips, for his eyes to close, for another step. They turn in slow circles, ever-parting, ever-slowing, barely breathing to not add to the weight between them, the force pulling them apart, the shield of their beast dissolving.

It's a particularly cruel morning, an uncaring sun rising, life-demanding light tearing and biting into them. Junmyeon tears and bites his eyes open, reaches once more, finds himself reached for, too, finds enough of Jongdae to hold on for another moment. Dark, warm eyes, a last curl of a smile, a whisper like a path overgrown. There's nothing between them like this, everything around them, as they melt into light.

**Author's Note:**

> oof i'm sorry ;;;  
> so i wrote this as a... metaphysical reunion of past lovers who had to part ways due to circumstances that weren't theirs to change or object to. now they think of each other, the what-if, fondly, sadly at the same time (which doesn't happen very often).  
> but you can read it as ghosts or souls meeting, a dream of a too familiar stranger, someone pining, whatever you think this is!
> 
> ty for reading 🌙  
> please let me know if it made you feel anything
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/fakeclover) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/fakeclover)


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